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363 lines
17 KiB
Ruby
363 lines
17 KiB
Ruby
class ForumReplacementService < Service
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# Cool replacements we could eventually do not for pranking
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# [roll N] = random number between 1 and N
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# [roll N, M] = random number between N and M
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WORD_REPLACEMENTS = {
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'<3' => "<span class='red-text'>&heart;</span>",
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'$5' => '[̲̅$̲̅(̲̅5̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]',
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'0/10' => '10/10',
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'1/10' => '11/10',
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'2/10' => '12/10',
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'3/10' => '13/10',
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'6 hours' => '1/4 of a day',
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'95 cents' => 'Nickleback',
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'Coke' => 'Pepsi',
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'Keanu Reeves' => 'The One',
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'actor' => 'pretenderbloke',
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'actors' => 'pretenderblokes',
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'air' => '<span class="grey-text">air</span>',
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'alchohol' => 'giggle juice',
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'alien' => 'extraterrestrial bopper',
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'aliens' => 'extraterrestrial boppers',
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'amy' => 'the most wonderful woman in the world',
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'andrew' => 'andrew (Our Supreme Lord and Overseer)',
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'announcement' => 'shouty spouty',
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'announcements' => 'shouty spouties',
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"April Fool's Day" => 'the best holiday of the year',
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'artist' => 'visual illusionist',
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'artists' => 'visual ilussionists',
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'asap' => 'as ASAP as possible',
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'askew' => 'cattywampus',
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'attorney' => 'lawyerboi-at-law',
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'attornies' => 'lawyerbois-at-law',
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'aviators' => 'cool kid shades',
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'avocado' => 'greenseed toastmash',
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'aware' => 'cognizant',
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'awesome' => "bee's knees",
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'bad' => 'bodge',
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'ball' => 'blimpy bounce bounce',
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'balls' => 'blimpy bounce bounces',
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'balloon' => 'elastic breath trap',
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'balloons' => 'elastic breath traps',
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'beanie' => 'floppy headcover',
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'beanies' => 'floppy headcovers',
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'bear' => '(ᵔᴥᵔ)',
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'bears' => '(ᵔᴥᵔ)(ᵔᴥᵔ)',
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'bed' => 'nighttime dreamvessel',
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'beds' => 'nighttime dreamvessels',
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'blood' => 'human syrup',
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'bone' => 'calcium bodystick',
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'bones' => 'calcium bodysticks',
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'boot' => 'humanhoof',
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'boots' => 'humanhoofs',
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'bra' => 'foam dome',
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'brain' => 'skull control',
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'brains' => 'skull controls',
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'bread' => 'bumberhooten flourknuckles',
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'breathe' => 'consume oxygen to produce carbon dioxide',
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'breathing' => 'consuming oxygen to produce carbon dioxide',
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'broccoli' => 'tiny tree',
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'bulbasaur' => 'the best starter Pokemon',
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'butt' => 'pooty',
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'butterflies' => 'beautyflies',
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'butterfly' => 'beautyfly',
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'candy' => 'chocolate globbernaughts',
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'cane' => 'boppinstick',
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'canes' => 'boppinsticks',
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'car' => 'motorized rollingham',
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'carrot' => 'snownose',
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'cars' => 'motorized rollinghams',
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'cat' => 'feline whiskerdoodle',
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'cats' => 'feline whiskerdoodles',
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'cereal' => 'pip pip gollywock',
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'chaos' => 'extremely peaceful times you need not worry about',
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'chat' => 'chitterchatter',
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'chats' => 'chitterchatters',
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'changed' => 'infested',
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'cheese omelette' => 'omelette du fromage',
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'cheeseburger' => 'beef wellington ensemble with cheese',
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'cheeseburgers' => 'beef wellington ensembles with cheese',
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'child' => 'ankle-biter',
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'clock' => 'Small Ben',
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'clocks' => 'Small Bens',
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'clown' => 'loony chuckle fairy',
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'clowns' => 'loony chuckle fairies',
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'coffee' => 'bean soup',
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'computer' => 'electrical miraclebox',
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'computers' => 'electrical miracleboxes',
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'confuse' => 'bumfuzzle',
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'confused' => 'bumfuzzled',
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'cookie' => 'choco chip bicky wicky',
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'cookies' => 'choco chip bicky wickies',
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'counterclockwise' => 'widdershin',
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'courtroom' => 'legal objectionbox',
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'cranberry' => 'wild redbean',
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'crazy' => 'bonkers',
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'cumberbatch' => 'Cramplescrunch',
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'curse' => 'blurse',
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'cursed' => 'blursed',
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'detective' => 'hankshaw constable',
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'dog' => 'woofy wolfscendent',
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'dogs' => 'woofy wolfscendents',
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'door' => 'wobbly flip-shutter',
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'doorbell' => 'chimey pushknob',
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'doorbells' => 'chimey pushknobs',
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'doorknob' => 'twisting plankhandle',
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'doorknobs' => 'twisting plankhandles',
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'doors' => 'wobbly flip-shutters',
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'dragon' => "big boppin' fire droppin' flyin' thing",
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'dragons' => "big boppin' fire droppin' flyin' things",
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'earth' => '<span class="brown-text">earth</span>',
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'electric' => '<span class="yellow-text">electric</span>',
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'escalator' => 'upsy stairsy',
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'exhausted' => 'wabbit knackered',
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'fake news' => 'malarkey',
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'family' => 'mandatory surname-sharers unit',
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'feet' => 'groundhands',
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'fight' => 'rumble donnybrook',
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'fire' => '<span class="red-text">fire</span>',
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'firefighter' => 'waterbender',
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'firework' => 'merry fizzlebomb',
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'fireworks' => 'merry fizzlebombs',
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'fish' => 'aquatic blooper',
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'fishes' => 'aquatic bloopers',
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'fortnite' => 'hippity buildershooter',
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'forums' => 'words warehouse',
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'foot' => 'groundhand',
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'fox' => 'sneakyweak doggoboi',
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'foxes' => 'sneakyweak doggobois',
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'frog' => 'diddly croaker',
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'funny' => 'laffy taffy',
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'geese' => 'chonky honkies',
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'giraffe' => 'wobbly longneck',
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'glitter' => 'permasprinkles',
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'goose' => 'chonky honky',
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'grass' => 'groundfuzzy',
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'gravy' => 'meat water',
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'gremlin' => 'extremely smart alien being that is here to help',
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'gremlins' => 'extremely smart alien beings that are here to help',
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'gun' => 'rooty tooty point-n-shooty',
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'guns' => 'rooty tooty point-n-shooties',
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'hamburger' => 'beef wellington ensemble with lettuce',
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'hamburgers' => 'beef wellington ensembles with lettuce',
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'hat' => 'fuzzy head chimney',
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'hate' => 'absolutely love',
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'hey all' => 'greetings, earthlings',
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'hip' => 'hep',
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'homework' => 'timey wimey studystruggles',
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'hot chocolate' => 'boiled chocowater',
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'ice cold' => 'cooler than being cool',
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'insect' => 'motorized freckle',
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'insects' => 'motorized freckles',
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'jelly' => 'fruit spleggings',
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'jugo de humano' => 'blood',
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'keyboard' => 'hoighty toighty tippy typer',
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'keyboards' => 'hoighty toighty tippy typers',
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'kidnap' => 'surprise adoption',
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'knee' => 'leg hinge',
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'knees' => 'leg hinges',
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'knife' => 'stabby stick',
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'knives' => 'stabby sticks',
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'ladies and gentlemen' => 'guys, gals, and non-binary pals',
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'laptop' => 'electrotablet with keys',
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'lettuce' => 'lechuga',
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'life' => 'like a box of chocolates',
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'lightbulb' => 'ceiling-bright',
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'lightbulbs' => 'ceiling-brights',
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'lizard people' => 'definitely normal human beings',
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'lock' => 'lumberlatch',
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'locks' => 'lumberlatches',
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'marker' => 'crockety snapwicket',
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'markers' => 'crockety snapwickets',
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'milk' => 'cow juice',
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'mischief' => 'happy fun times',
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'mistake' => 'waggly gaff',
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'mistakes' => 'waggly gaffs',
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'mitochondria' => 'the powerhouse of the cell',
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'mittens' => 'hand socks',
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'money' => 'molded cheddar',
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'moon' => 'night cheese',
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'mosquito' => 'buzzy itchybee',
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'mosquitoes' => 'buzzy itchybees',
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'movie' => 'magical moving picture',
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'movies' => 'magical moving pictures',
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'narwhal' => 'sea unicorn',
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'netflix and chill' => 'hulu and vibe',
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'nice' => 'noice',
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'night' => 'shadowtime',
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'nugget' => "lil' nuggy",
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'nuggets' => "lil' nuggies",
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'offensive' => 'bogue',
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'oof' => 'oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooof',
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'owo' => '(◕‿◕✿)',
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'pancake' => 'roundy-yum',
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'pancakes' => 'roundy-yums',
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'parties' => "poppin' brouhahas",
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'party' => "poppin' brouhaha",
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'peanut butter' => 'nutty-gum',
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'phone' => 'cellular telephone',
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'phones' => 'cellular telephones',
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'pen' => 'whimsy flimsy mark and scribbler',
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'pens' => 'whimsy flimsy mark and scribblers',
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'pepsi' => 'Coke',
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'petunia' => 'power flower',
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'petunias' => 'power flowers',
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'pie' => 'solid soup',
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'pluto' => "lil' wannaplanet",
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'podcast' => 'audiobobbles recording',
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'politician' => 'public snollygoster',
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'politicians' => 'public snollygosters',
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'poop' => 'niffy loo pudding',
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'popsicle' => 'cold on the cob',
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'prison' => 'hoosegow locker',
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'raccoon' => 'trash burgler',
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'radio' => 'magic musicbox',
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'rain' => 'cloudy waterdrops',
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'recursion' => 'recursion',
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'reverse' => 'esrever',
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'road' => 'cobble-stone-clippity-clop',
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'roads' => 'cobble-stone-clippity-clops',
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'same' => 'same',
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'sandwich' => 'breaddystack',
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'sandwiches' => 'breaddystacks',
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'school' => 'the setting for my coming-of-age story',
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'scream' => 'loudy shouty',
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'sex' => 'yiffy wiffy',
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'Severus Snape' => 'Sexybeast Snacc',
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'sheep' => 'fluffy bumpkinboo',
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'shenanigans' => 'silly fun',
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'shoe' => 'leather winklepicker',
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'shoes' => 'leather winklepickers',
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'sick' => 'collywobble icky',
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'skiing' => 'slippery snownoodle moving',
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'skydiving' => 'falling out of the sky',
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'sleep' => 'night voyage',
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'smartwatch' => 'cuff-link time Johnny',
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'smol' => '<span style="font-size: 5px">smol</span>',
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'snake' => 'slippery dippery long mover',
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'snakes' => 'slippery dippery long movers',
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'snowman' => 'temporary ice friend',
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'sock' => 'soft foot hugger',
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'socks' => 'soft foot huggers',
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'speakeasy' => 'juicy joint',
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'spider' => 'crawler octobrawler',
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'spongebob' => 'absorbant squareguy',
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'stairs' => 'broken escalator',
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'sticky' => 'icky wicky',
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'stolen' => 'nick wicketed',
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'success' => 'Yahtzee!',
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'sup' => 'soup',
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'sweater' => 'sheepity sleepity',
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'sweaters' => 'sheepity sleepities',
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'tarantula' => 'fuzzycrawler',
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'tea' => 'leaf water',
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'teeth' => 'mouthstones',
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'testosterone' => 'man juice',
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'tiger' => 'thundercat',
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'tigers' => 'thundercats',
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'tissue' => 'sneezepaper',
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'tissues' => 'sneezepapers',
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'toe' => 'foot finger',
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'toes' => 'foot fingers',
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'toilet' => 'porcelain poopshooter',
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'tomorrow' => 'the day before two days from now',
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'tongue' => 'flicky licker',
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'tonight' => 'the night after last night',
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'tooth' => 'mouthstone',
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'toy' => 'bippity boppity',
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'tree' => 'giant broccoli',
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'trees' => 'giant broccolis',
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'trick' => 'bamboozle',
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'tricked' => 'bamboozled',
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'two weeks' => 'a fortnight',
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'umbrella' => 'bumbershoot',
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'unicorn' => 'hornse',
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'uwu' => '(｡◕‿‿◕｡)',
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'wasp' => 'flying stingywingy',
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'wasps' => 'flying stingywingies',
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'watch out' => 'gardyloo',
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'water' => '<span class="blue-text">water</span>',
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'weed' => "devil's lettuce",
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'weird' => 'wonky-wonky',
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'whale' => 'blubberbutt watermutt',
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'whales' => 'blubberbutt watermutts',
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'wheeze' => 'sneeze',
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'wheezing' => 'sneezing',
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'wire' => 'electro-rope',
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'wires' => 'electro-ropes',
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'world hunger' => 'the hardest problem known to man',
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'worm' => 'wiggly biggly',
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'write' => 'scribble scrabble',
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'writing' => 'scribble scrabbling',
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'writer' => 'scribble scrabbler',
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'writers' => 'scribble scrabblers',
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'yuge' => '<span style="font-size: 40px">yuge</span>',
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'zalgo' => 'H̶̛̼̼̪̝̞͓̞͕͇̯͚͎͚̘̳͕̱̤̠̗͔͇̙̣̰͓̖̰̯̀̓̐̑̇͊͂̀͋̒̐̓͒̒͊͊̕͜͝ͅE̴̡̧̨̨̲̥̯͎̭̻̩̞̘̞̪̞̗̭͖̻͙͕͎̮͕̺͕̲̘̻̣͚̳̥͍̙͈͚͍͉̗͙̱͖͚̾̂̇͛̉͋͊̾͛̆̀́͑͛̅̋͊̕͘͜͜͜͝ͅͅͅͅ ̸̡̡̨̡̨̛̞͎̹̩̬̗̗̞̬̰̮̙̪̖͈̣̹͔̺̫̰̓̔̉̋̈̈́͐́̿̈̀͊̿̈̉̅̃̊̽͗̈̿̈́̓̈́̎͌̄̀̆̌̎͗̋͒̋̿̋̊̈́͆̋̾̈̏̈́̋̿̕̕̚͝͝͠͠ͅͅͅC̵̛̘̳͙̪̭͖̲̞̯̰̜͇̈̾̈́͋̌̉̽̽͑̎͌̾̈́͌̑͊̊̔̀͆̌̀̇̓͊̀̂̇̿̃͑́̈́̆͂̈́̾̓́̂̂̓̂̍̍͛͆͌͌̽̎̍̀̒̆̀͗͋͘͘͘͝͠͝͝͠͝͝Ǫ̸͕̻̞̝̜͚̗̮̼͎̤͔̤̱͔̫͂̄̉̋̈͊͐͂̇̀̌̎́͑̐̀̈́͋̓̾̅͒̒̄͑̒̆̑̾͜͝͝͝͝M̷̧̧̡̨̛̛̩̭̞͍̼̝̗͕̖͇̣̣̩͆̿̑͒́̉̅̓̌̆̈́͐͒̾̐̂̿̓̚͘̚͜E̵̡̨̢̧̢̢̡̢̨̛̠̱̻̺̦͚̹͓̬͔̪̟̼̥̯̠̘͚̫̯͍̺͔̫̟͇̱̦̟̪͚͉̣̳͓͍̬̙̲͔̘͙͔̤̰̜͍̠̩͉͐̂̊̏̐̿̊̋͑̿̇̊̈́͗̎̋́́̉̓̂̐͑̇̐̐͋́̒̈́͛͑͒̂͒̂̔̀̄̈́̓͂͆̈́͒̌͆̓͗̋͐̔̑͐̕͘ͅͅͅŞ̴̧̧̡̢̧̡̢͕̝͚̝̖͚̣̞̫̻̯͔̳̗̝̰̗̰̰̥̭͕̜̜̫͍̪̳̘̣̺̠͉̗̟͕̹͇̬̘̘̪͆͗̎̕',
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## Crazy mode
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'depression' => 'megasadness',
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'ice cream' => 'eyes cream',
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'strawberry' => 'plastic tubefruit',
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'soul' => 'inner ghost',
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'dance' => 'woopwoop',
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'curling iron' => 'medieval torture device',
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'room' => 'human containment unit',
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'gay' => 'rainbow',
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'wednesday' => 'wendsday',
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'taxation' => 'theft',
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'insurance' => 'the biggest scam known to man',
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'bird' => 'flying spy machine',
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'birds' => 'flying spy machines',
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'kitchen' => 'fridge-and-oven combination room',
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'lemonade' => 'sour drank',
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'salamander' => 'baby dragon',
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'scrolling' => 'vertically surfing through a screen',
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'eyes' => 'little ball peepers',
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'la croix' => 'water that has sat next to a fruit at one point in its life',
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'history' => 'lastpast yesteryear',
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'tall' => 'giraffy',
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'subtext' => 'subtweeting but IRL',
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'how' => 'how now brown cow',
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'midnight' => 'dayover',
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'murder' => 'mucduc',
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'kill' => 'deathsnuggle',
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'babe' => 'bae',
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'video' => 'series of images played in rapid succession to give the illusion of movement on a static screen',
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'online' => 'on the interwebs',
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'internet' => 'series of electrotubes',
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'highlighted' => 'becoming better',
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'backfired' => 'went incredibly well',
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'an hour' => '3600 seconds',
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'football' => 'soccer',
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'baseball' => 'thrown soccer',
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'basketball' => 'dribbling soccer',
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'volleyball' => 'beach soccer',
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'hello' => 'howdy, partner',
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'rule' => 'law you must obey',
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'rules' => 'laws you must obey',
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'what is happening' => 'everything is fine',
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'why is this happening' => 'I think this is great',
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'two days ago' => 'a thousand years after 365002 days ago',
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'summer' => 'hotseason',
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'winter' => 'coldeason',
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'spring' => 'flowerseason',
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'autumn' => 'rainseason'
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}
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def self.replace(text)
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return text
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replaced_text = text.dup
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WORD_REPLACEMENTS.each do |trigger, replacement|
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replaced_text.gsub!(/\b#{trigger}\b/i, wrapped(replacement, trigger))
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|
end
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|
|
|
replaced_text.html_safe
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|
end
|
|
|
|
def self.wrapped(text, tooltip)
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|
"<span class='blue lighten-5 tooltipped' style='padding: 4px' data-tooltip='#{tooltip}'>#{text}</span>"
|
|
end
|
|
end |